Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
