It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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