Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
