Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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