You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
