We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
