Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize