I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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