You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
