Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
