I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
