So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
