I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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