I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
