she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
