The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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