im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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