Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
