I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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