peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
