A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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