What did we do last night that was yellow?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
