Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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