i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
