I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
