Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
