She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
