he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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