Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
