If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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