Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
