so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
