No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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