i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
