Do you still have your period?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
