Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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