i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
