I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
MIDGETS
????
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
