I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
