I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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