i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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