Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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