if i can run in heels then i can drive
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
