So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize