My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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