You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
