I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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