i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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