I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
