He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
