I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
