Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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