We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
