Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
