they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
