I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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