Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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