Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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