I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
