Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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