I'm eating all of the evidence.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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