if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
