so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize