the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
