so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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