is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
