don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
